I cant breath

im all sick, stuffy nose, tickely throat and thick headed. how annoying and how winter. i probably should have dosed myself with vitamins when i felt it coming on, but i dont believe in tablets and vitamins, so i didnt... now i wish i had. i have a kind of self righteous attitude where i feel i dont need these man made concoctions, nature has given us everything we need and if i eat well, ill be alright. obviously not... or maybe i just havent been looking after myself properly lately.

indeed, ive been feeling very lethargic and stale. physically i need to get into action, as much as i say im not a sporty person (and really im not) i do like to feel at one with my body, the flow that comes from connecting the mind and body in movement, i enjoy looking after myself. i havent done much lately and i think my being is starting to suffer. i use to be so much more fitter and stronger, ive let that go, i think its time to take care of that. i want to feel stronger, healthier, leaner and glow. i need to start doing some yoga again and work my core and do some running. i need to get those endorphines going.

mentally and spiritually i feel like im at the edge of a new begining or something. ive spent quite a bit more quality time alone lately and im in a stage of loving myself at the moment. i say stage because the feeling comes and goes. right now though i honestly feel comfortable with who i am and i finally feel like ive become more settled at who 'dewi' is exactly. im pretty sure ive always known, but this year i have noticed i feel much more confident with who ive become and the type of person i am. there is a lot i need to develop about myself and some quite ugly thoughts and actions i need to be rid of, i am not apathetic to them and i try to do my best in changing them, but also try and remember i am human and not to beat myself up about it. i feel like i am able to understand now that i, like everyone else, am capable of a beautiful spectrum of things. its an important thing for me to believe because i tend to suffer from a lot of doubt and uncertainty about my 'potential' as much as it appears otherwise. i think mostly i am in need of change and rejuvenation. i want to ignite.

ive went to newfarm yesterday to see imi, dana and dom perform at the powerhouse 'the tashi stories.' i love to see any form of art and even more so from my friends. i love being able to see their talents and see all their hard work being accumulated into a gorgeous result. i got to see dana act some more and she is absolutly stunning on stage. i had only seen her once before but this time confirmed how much i think she belongs on stage. she is one of those classic beauties, the kind of beautiful and graceful women who were from those golden ages of cinema. she was also a totally adorable tashi in that tall black hat.

on the way to newfarm park the bus weaves around the streets of the suburb and i am acheingly wanting to live in a quiet, small, old, cozy appartment there. i think i would be happy living in new farm, there is a sense of community and a buzz of enery and action, but also easy to slip away and be in solitude if you want. my mind went racing for the rest of the day on plans as to how i can viably live there next year. the prospect of living on my own some time soon makes me excited and i think i desperatly want it and it would suit me. i dont think i want to live with other people, i would suit it, but it doesnt appeal at the moment. too much time around the same people and house politics would start to frustrate me, id be annoyed and suffocated. i would like to try moving out next year, even if for only 6 months just to see how i fair, though i dont think i could leave my mum alone with my sister no matter how much i yearn for it.

i look forward to this comming thursday and friday with simone and karen. it will be a lovely couple of days and will feel great to be loved and give love. i just want some love. ohhhh at the moment im listening to the cd i bought at the music shop in their 3 for $10 bins, this was definitly a sweet little find. nothing ground breaking or musically sensational, but it fits just right for quite late night moments, simple and charming, its kind of just wafting out of my speakers. obi- the magic land of radio. i love discoveries like that.

listening to evermore gives me chills now, i dont know why, its weird, i dont think i want to listen to the cd for a while.

http://www.cryingwhileeating.com/ .... so weird... so random

xoxox

some tori is needed tonight i think, oh she makes me smile :)